Tonight I listened to The Creative Penn Podcast “My 2017 Goals. Plus Visualization and Positive Thinking for Authors with Nina Amir” I must say, it was very inspiring. If you are a professional writer, or like me, a struggling writer, or any kind of artist, than I definitely suggest listening to this. I absolutely loved hearing Mrs. Penn share her goals from 2016 and future goals. It just made me want to work harder. That brilliant woman is heavy duty busy. She has so many things going on, You get to hear her talk about how things were in the beginning for her, the transitions in her personal and professional life, and the sacrifices she’s made to get to where she is at now. The interview with Nina Amir was eye-opening in that I felt like I was hearing my own personal motivational coaches telling me what I was not doing and what I should be doing.
I mean, it was as if I was watching “The Biggest Loser” television show in my mind’s eye, only for my writer’s soul. Does that even make sense? LOL
Honestly, at this point in my life, I do feel like a big loser. If someone were to ask me today, this very moment, if I was a writer, I could not with any clarify and peace of mind say yes. And that just isn’t right. And yet, ever since before the new year when I was setting writing goals for myself for the new year, I’ve been struggling with this overbearing, disastrous heavy, gut-wrenching doubt in myself. And Mrs. Penn often speaks and writes on that subject of doubting yourself.
I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t have any stories inside me anymore. I’m a failure. I’m not a writer. I’m not capable of doing it. I don’t have time in my life to do it. These thoughts go on and on within me. The real truth is laying so low, infested with untruth and black muck, that it is hard to reach. I mean, who wants to reach in to an unfamiliar darkness, oozing with yucky-ness?
Yet, that is what I am doing. Right here and right now. I have to admit my misgivings and my face everything that is wrong to reach what I know is right and true. And I am laying it out for the world to see…
I don’t get to my desk every day to write. I don’t journal daily. I don’t blog weekly. I let the books I’ve written sit, grow stale, and disappear into the depths of bleakness all because I fear and hate the idea of editing them. I don’t have the appropriate funds to find proper editors and artists for these creative masterpieces (or shit…who knows.) I mean, nobody will ever judge these books great or sucky because they aren’t ever getting out there to be read. I watch too much Netflix, hulu, and Amazon prime tv. I sleep too much. I read too much. I do everything EXCEPT what my heart and soul is telling, pleading, for me to do.
I set goals for myself for 2017 and already I am crying, whining, tv bingeing, and sleeping my way through those goals. Fortunately, it is only the 8th of the January so it’s okay. As long as I quit doing those things and making excuses. I’ll not sit here and list all my goals. Not in this post. I will say that I’m going to try. No. I will do. I am a writer. Therefore, I will get myself to my ‘desk’ wherever that may be, and I will write.
I strongly suggest you visit Joanna Penn at http://www.thecreativepenn.com or visit her podcast. We all need our online mentors and if you don’t have one, start with her. (Or Chuck Wendig over at http://www.terribleminds.com) Or read On Writing by Stephen King. I don’t know. Just do something. Oh, and don’t forget to write.