This day sucked. It was just that kind of day. Enough to say it again. This day sucked. Okay, well, maybe the entire day didn’t suck. Not really. But when you receive news that works against you…even though it was really that one moment or like in my case a four-minute phone call the day went crashing down around me.
My potential internship was a no-go. She was actually very nice and was more than ready to assist and supervise but I guess the moons were not aligned or someone or something was tickling fate’s funny bone, or the universe was just wanting to have a good ol’ laugh at my expense. It didn’t pan out.
And I am left waiting for an answer, hoping for the one I need. The days are running. Time is ticking by.
First I was all ‘woe is me’. Let the pity party commence. Depressed. Then the fear of uncertainty came. The anxiousness of having no control. Then I thought, ‘I can do something about this.’ Because there is always something one can do to at least feel as though they are making the strides towards attempting a positive outlook or change. And so I did. So far that’s gotten me nowhere fast. But I’m not giving up. I’m a fighter if nothing else. I’m a survivor. I’ll push through this. So I’ve got some more things on my to-do list.
That doesn’t make things better though. I’m still caught a drift in the waves of a lot of unknowns. But I know I’m not the only one out there.
Where am I at right now? I’m angry. I’m really, really pissed. Now, if you were here in front of me you wouldn’t be able to tell. I’m all smiles. I reign in my emotions because they are MINE and I don’t like to flaunt or transfer those emotions onto others. But, yeah. I’m really pissed. But really…what good will that get me? Well, I suppose it got me off my feet and making some choices. That’s something at least. But I’m still really upset!
I know this is totally whining but why must everything be so damn hard? Why can’t things just come easy sometimes? It’s exhausting. Mentally and physically. But I want this. I need this. I actually have to have this. And I’ll fight for it. No giving up. No turning back.
However all this fuss, this stress, this craziness has done a wicked unfair number on my creativity. I’ve not written on my NaNoWriMo book in a while now. Thank goodness I had an excellent seven chapter run in one day which propelled me way ahead in my word count but I have to get back to writing now or I’ll fall behind. And my story is going really good. I was having a lot of fun writing it so hopefully I’ll find my groove again. (While contending with Thanksgiving being at my house this year as well).
Venting is a good thing and that’s what this post allowed me to do. I’m not as angry. Clarity is more like it. I know the things I have to do. I can’t always look at the big picture but instead just take one small scene at a time.